Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
