i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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