What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
