why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
