Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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