You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
