i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
