Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
