What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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