I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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