and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
