I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
