no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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