Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
tell me about the fingering
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
