i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
