I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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