I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
