By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
so much tequila, so little girl.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
