Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
