I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
