Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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