I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
