I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
