At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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