I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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