I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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