Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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