toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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