we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
