Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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