I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
