How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
