I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
