well I can't set my house on fire every night
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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