I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
