they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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