I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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