Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
