just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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