I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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