i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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