Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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