I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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