Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I would fuck him just for his dog
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
