Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
