4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
