Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
as a side note pls kill me
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
