wakey wakey hands off snakey
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
