she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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