WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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